Christ Centered Mama

Changing my Definition of Health

2010-02-23T13:08:00.000-08:00

"Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers." -3 John 1:2

There is a belief out there that is commonly referred to as the Prosperity Gospel that believes that God's will for all of us is to be wealthy and never get sick. It goes further to assume that if one is suffering either physically or financially, then they must not have enough faith, or they are not praying enough, or something is wrong with them spiritually. They use the verse above to "prove" their theory. Then there is the evangelical church (which I grew up in and am still part of) that goes the complete opposite direction and says that health and wealth have nothing to do with God or the state of our spirituality. Being in "good health" is nice to wish for, but not focused on at all as a responsibility we have to God.

In our western culture, the term "health" is basically synonymous with being thin. Whenever someone speaks of someone who is "unhealthy" aren't they usually implying that the person is overweight? When we see commercials on television for "healthy" food, doesn't it usually come with guarantees of low calories, low fat, low cholesterol, etc.? But what is health, really? According to dictionary.com, health is defined as "the general condition of the body or mind with reference to soundness and vigor; freedom from disease or ailment". Funny how it doesn't say anything about how thin or fat someone is, but focuses on lack of disease and soundness and vigor of the body.

As Christians, do we fall into the same trap the world does thinking of health in terms of "fat" and "skinny"? Do we make New Year's resolutions with the rest of the world to lose a few pounds? If so, why? Are we under the misguided impression that if we lose weight, we will therefore be healthy?

Ok, so why am I asking all of these questions? Surely its not a sin to lose weight, so who cares if someone thinks they are healthy because they lost a few pounds? I am writing all of this because I have been learning more and more about what a healthy body looks like and I believe God wants us to be good stewards of the shell he has given us to reside in while we are here on earth.

I used to think that illnesses like cancer, as horrible as it is, "just happens" to some people. Now I realize that cancer grows in the body when it is exposed to certain substances, chemicals or toxins. It seems so straight-forward when we think of Lung Cancer. Its no secret that breathing Nicotine can cause lung cancer, but when it comes to other types of cancer, the answers don't come as easily. However, I think its a little more black and white than what popular culture has lead us to believe. Now, I want to stop a minute and clear one thing up. In no way am I suggesting that it is anyone's fault that they get cancer. Whereas the dangers of smoking are widely known, few people commonly know the dangers of preservatives, food additives and other dangerous substances found in our food. Many people have unhealthy habits and they have no idea the type of harm they are causing in their bodies. Also, unlike the "Health & Wealth" prosperity folks, I am not saying that someone is less spiritual in any way because of an illness they have contracted. In fact, those are the times that draw many to the Lord and increase their faith. "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick." -Mark 2:17. God is our ultimate physician and it is natural to cling to Him when we are suffering.

I used to be an "everything in moderation" kind of person. No harm in eating fast food, as long as you don't eat it every day. Junk food is fine to enjoy from time to time as long as one is not eating it all the time. I was always the person who could eat horribly and not gain much weight from it. People would say how "lucky" I was. However, now that I'm realizing that every time I eat junk food I am incurring harm to my body, I don't feel lucky anymore.

For what its worth, I am not standing high on any "eating healthy" pedistal looking down on the "lowly" people who eat the standard junk that is the typical American diet. I have posted previously that I am a recovering sugar-a-holic. In fact, I gave into temptation today and went through the drive-thru at Burger King. I won't say that eating fast food is a sin, but just that God has shown me that its not something he wants for me and probably by extention its not what he wants for ANY of his children. If this makes you uncomfortable, I would challenge you to pray about it, start doing your research about the benefits of healthy eating and think about what you want the quality of your life to be. I think there is a lot of truth to the notion that how you eat may not add years to your life (although it may if you avoid certain illnesses that might take you earlier than you would otherwise go) but it will increase the quality of those final years. I think of my grandmother who believed very strongly in herbal remedies. I wrote her off for a long time as "crazy Grandma" with all her garlic pills and acidophilus! She definitely had some health issues going on (including a heart problem) but do you know how she died? She passed on quietly and peacefully sitting at the kitchen table with family. They didn't even know she had passed....I think some thought she had fallen asleep! If I could choose how to go, that'd be it! Who's to say if her peaceful passing was a result of her lifestyle or if God was just merciful to her, but I like to think there's a connection with how she lived her life.

The bottom line is that for me to tackle this new healthy lifestyle, its going to take me depending fully on God for the strength to pass on my cravings, saying "no" to the bad and "yes" to the good. Here's a short little video that gives you a starting place to start thinking about how the food we eat can restore us and keep us in good health.

Being a Mom is Hard Work!

2010-02-18T00:42:00.001-08:00

Can I just say that again......Being a Mom is HARD WORK! It really is. Today I was reading a blog where a fellow Mom discussed how she felt she was losing her identity, questioning who she really is and I have to say I can totally relate to that! Sure I love my kids and do not regret for a minute the sacrifices I've made to be at home with them, but sometimes I think back to "before the kids" and I can't help but long for some of that peace sometimes. I really don't think that's bad. I also don't think its bad for us to take care of ourselves. We spend so time taking care of our children and our husbands that we sometimes forget to take a break for ourselves.

Now, the sad thing is that as I read some of the comments under the article I found so much judgement of this mother who just needed to vent a little. "Get over it" some said. "You're being selfish." My knee-jerk reaction is to yell at the naysayers: So you think you're the perfect mom? You've never had a moment of weakness? You're ALWAYS 100% at the top of your game and never feel like you're losing yourself to the title of "Mom"? It just reminds me of all the judgements we make about other mothers and really challenges me to not fall into that trap. I'm as guilty as anyone of judging the choices other mothers have made.....is that the type of woman Christ wants me to be? Of course not! My hope and prayer is that we will all be women of intregity, women who encourage others, women who say "I know its hard...hang in there". When others see our kindness, our compassion, our love....that's when they will see Jesus in us.

Treating Infections Naturally

2010-02-07T22:27:00.000-08:00

About a week ago, I had a health issue going on and was afraid of what it might be. I was having abdominal pain, back pain and I felt like I needed to use the bathroom constantly! I was afraid it might be a bladder infection. I knew the symptoms well since I have had two UTIs (both during pregnancy) in the past. As I tried to figure out what I should do, I weighed my options:

Option 1: Go to a doctor.....ok, scratch "doctor" since I don't have one....I could probably go back to the midwife practice at the hospital....or a walk-in clinic....or something. Regardless, I know what the outcome will be: they will write a prescription for antibiotics, which I don't want to take.....ok, let's move on to another option. (cost of this option would be $35 copay + cost of antibiotics so probably = $40-50 total).

Option 2: Go to my naturopathic physician, Dr. Jen. I LOVE Dr. Jen! I'm sure she could whip up some great herbal concoction and my bladder infection would be under control in no time! Cons to this plan are that since my insurance doesn't cover naturopathic, I'd have to pay out of pocket, so with the office visit plus the cost of the herbs, it'll probably be over $100.

Option 3: I could search the internet for home remedies for a bladder infection. This would definitely be the lowest cost option and if it doesn't work, then maybe I'll have to bite the bullet and go for either option 1 or 2 (preferably option 2 if we can scrape together the money).

So, I started Googling away to find ideas for battling this infection naturally. Here is what I did:

1. Drink LOTS of water! When you are sick, water can be your best friend! Drinking lots of it is always a good idea, but especially when you are ill! It flushes your body of all the nasty stuff that invades it and (in my opinion) is the BEST way to get well naturally. I read recently that you should drink half your body weight in ounces of water. For me, that means at least 65 oz. of water per day. (For perspective, a 2 liter pop bottle is 64 oz.)

2. Cranberry juice. Now, I'll have to be honest. I went out and bought 100% cranberry juice at Trader Joes....however, it is still sitting in my kitchen unopened. My bladder infection was gone before I even had the chance to try this remedy to see if it worked. But, since its a popular remedy, I'll share it here. You're supposed to drink 24 oz. of unsweetened cranberry juice (very important that it says 100% juice and not a cocktail) in 24 hours. Of course, you can break it up (someone suggested drinking 3 8-oz. glasses every 6-8 hours.) Some enzyme or something in the juice is supposed to kill the bacteria that causes the infection..... or something like that.

3. Up your vitamins! Super important to take extra vitamins when you are sick. I started taking Airborne again, mainly for the super high amounts of Vit. C and the many immune-system-boosting herbs that it contains. I made sure to take my Vit. D supplement, fish oil and probiotics.

4. Nix the sugar! This has definitely been my struggle. I *love* sugar!!! I know its horrible for me, but its the one temptation I give into over and over again. I also crave it when I am sick (comfort!) which is the WORST time to give in and consume it. Sugar actually shuts your immune system down, did you know that? Since I felt horrible and was trying to avoid medicating myself, I asked myself if I could give up sweets for one day. So, I did. It was hard and I was tempted to cheat, but I held my ground. I wish I could say that I haven't had sugar since, but I have. Some day I hope to cut out sweets completely (or only have an occasional dessert) but its a process. Side note: please understand that there *is* a hierarchy of sugar. Some are better than others. Natural forms of sugar (as in fruit, honey, molasses, agave, etc.) does not harm your body in nearly the dramatic way that refined sugars do (white table sugar, high fructose corn syrup, etc.).

5. Take Garlic! I know what you're thinking...."Ok, now she's gone off the deep end." Trust me, when I first heard of taking garlic to treat illness, I wasn't really buying it either....but then I tried it. I now swear by garlic! The more I learn about certain foods, the more I realize that God gave to us *so many* natural foods and herbs to heal our bodies. Garlic is just one...but its a biggie! Garlic is a natural antibiotic and wonderful at treating infections. Its also a natural anti-fungal, which is great news for me as I've had issues with toenail fungus for most of my life! Now, there's many ways to take garlic. You can go to a vitamin store and buy pricey capsules. I prefer to go the cheap route and spend $1 (or less!) on a bulb of fresh organic garlic. When treating for illness, its important to take garlic in its raw form. Cooking it neutralizes the properties that make it so wonderfully healthy (not that it becomes unhealthy....its just not as potent). Once I actually tried to eat a clove of raw garlic and it almost made me throw up! So, now I advise against that (lol)! The best way I have found to take it is to mince up 2 or 3 cloves (or one very large clove) and put it on a teaspoon. I then grab a tall glass of water, put the garlic in my mouth, take a large sip of water and swallow. HUGELY IMPORTANT NOTE: Do Not Chew the Garlic! If you do, it will be like biting into a raw onion, your face will feel like its on fire and you will probably either throw up or impulsively spit it out. That was my experience, anyway. I have found that as long as I swallow without chewing, I barely taste it on its way down. Funny though, Chad assures me that my breath smells like garlic for hours afterward, so now I've learned to only take it right before bed (and not face the hubby while sleeping!).

So, there are the five things I did to successfully treat my bladder infection naturally. (Well, ok, I really only did 4 since I never did the cranberry juice!) It only took about one day....the second day I felt amazingly better. As a disclaimer, please don't substitute my judgement for your own and always discuss health matters with your health care provider, whether that be a traditional MD or a naturopathic physician. I really don't see any harm in trying these ideas first and then you can always see a doctor if these remedies don't work. This is a sensitive issue locally here in Portland because there was a very recent, highly publicized case of parents who were found guilty because they didn't take their son to a doctor and he died of a (very treatable) urinary blockage. My heart goes out to this family and although I believe strongly in the power of prayer, obviously more needed to be done for this boy. I do wonder if they had tried some natural remedies along with praying for him, if that would have saved his life....we'll never know.

In closing, I found this video that offered another natural treatment for urinary tract infections (bladder infections). This one I haven't tried, but if I ever have another one, I may give it a shot, just to see if it works.

Focus on Nutrition

2010-01-31T19:44:00.000-08:00

Although I haven't posted much about nutrition on this blog, it has definitely been a focus of my mothering, especially over the last three years in treating Alayna's eczema. Discovering that she has food sensitivities to dairy, peanuts, tomatoes and carrots forced me to stop relying on prepackaged foods and casseroles with lots of ingredients and get back to basics, making simple meals from scratch. By doing this, I've become aware of so many ingredients in our foods that we avoid simply by eating fresh food (i.e. perservatives). I never knew the harm that these perservatives can wreck on our bodies until recently. I watched an interesting documentary recently called The Beautiful Truth that I thought was very eye-opening. The premise is that food directly affects our health either negatively or positively and we can avoid and even treat illnesses and disease (cancer) with certain foods. I've always favored natural treatments over drugs, so I found the information very valuable.

There's also some great info in the film about the use of flouride in our drinking water and mercury fillings in our teeth. The information confirmed my gut feelings as I decided against giving my children flouride pills (which they encourage here in Oregon where the water is not flouridated). We still use flouride toothpaste and the kids get flouride treatments at their regular dental cleanings. I personally feel this is a much better use (and has more research to prove it actually works!) than adding it to our drinking water or taking pills.

Another resource that really helped me connect the dots with Alayna's eczema is the Eczema Natural Healing website. Until then, every time Alayna would have a flare-up, I'd try to figure out which specific food caused the reaction. When I couldn't figure it out, I started wondering if it was an environmental sensitivity (maybe a type of fabric in her clothes or the type of soap or detergent we used). After reading the site creator's story, I began to realize that it might not be one specific thing that was causing Alayna's problems. It could be that she was malnourished (which actually didn't surprise me, she is a three-year-old after all). So, now my big challenge is to make sure that my picky eater is consuming fruits and vegetables. I started buying Superfood Green Juice (which is available at most natural food stores) and make sure that my kids drink at least one glass a day. It is a bit on the expensive side (different brands range from $5-$9 for 64 fl. oz.) but if I were to compare the price to what one pays for the average prescription at the pharmacy, its rather cheap! Hopefully we'll be able to purchase a juicer at some point at which time I can stop buying the juice and make it myself with fresh organic fruits and veggies!

To finish off, I'd like to share a recipe for taco seasoning that I found online. I looked this up because I forgot to buy taco seasoning once and wanted to make tacos. Instead of making a special trip to the grocery store, I figured I probably had all of the spices to make it myself. The best part is that I completely avoid MSG and any other fillers that commercial taco seasoning contains. Now that I've made this several times, I will never go back to store-bought brands. It tastes amazing!

The Four Preventative P's

2010-01-07T00:25:00.000-08:00

I was reading a blog called Academic OBGYN and found a fascinating article about handling slow labor. After the article, I always read the comments....sometimes just a handful of opinions since a lot of these blogs will boast hundreds of comments. Near the top I found a comment by Amy Romano, who is a pretty well known and respected midwife who writes a blog for Lamaze International called Science and Sensibility. In her comment she took a moment to talk about what she calls "The Four Preventative P's":

I give a talk on optimizing labor progress and talk about “Four Preventive P’s” rather than the 3 P’s and other variations, all of which I think address how to treat rather than prevent dystocia.

Briefly, the four P’s are:

Permission – freedom of movement, autonomy in decision making, freedom to vocalize, throw up, ask for help, or whatever it is the woman needs to do to get her baby out.

Physical environment – there are some intriguing pilot studies showing beneficial effect of simple alterations like removing the labor bed and/or giving women freedom to rearrange furniture and props in her own room.

People – continuous support from a doula or other trained labor companion has many documented benefits and should be the standard of care.

Practices – avoid routine use of interventions that slow labor down. Avoid arbitrary time limits, etc.

Of course, you don’t get the Four Preventive P’s in most hospital environments.

I had a thought after reading this that this could be a birth plan for any mother planning a natural childbirth. Its short, easy to read and gets right to the point. If her doctor or midwife has problems with any of these four things, it would be a good indication that she isn't going to get the birth she wants and should look for a new provider. Also, I like how it simplifies the requuests to four items. Sure, there are a lot more than four things asked for here, but since it basically bullet-points four things, it doesn't look like such a long laundry list of requests.

What do you think? Would this work as a birth plan?

The Reason for the Season

2009-12-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

The biggest challenge for me during the Christmas season is to stay focused on Christ. Its so easy to get bogged down with buying presents and family get-togethers (and of course working in retail doesn't help!). I love the music that accompanies the montages of clips from The Nativity Story.

If you haven't seen The Nativity Story yet, I highly recommend it. Its not the best piece of movie making ever, but definitely a great one to watch together as a family and remember what Christmas really is all about!

Of course, I'll always love a Charlie Brown Christmas!

Remember David Archuleta from American Idol? The quality of this video isn't the best, but his voice is just beautiful and this happens to be my favorite Christmas song. I could have chosen a lot of different versions of this song, but I wanted to choose someone to whom I know this song actually means something. Enjoy!

ACOG Changes Its Name

2009-11-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

In a sort of at-least-they-are-finally-being-honest-and-upfront-about-what-they-really-are way, I'm glad to see ACOG has changed its name from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Now there is no question as to what their purpose is and I don't sound like quite so much of a conspiracy-theorist when I suggest that they are more of a political group than an educational one.

My Sister Ate My Homework

2009-11-28T21:25:00.000-08:00

I've been working a TON this weekend.....that's what I get for having a job in retail, right? Its been a little hard on the kids not having Mom home as much. So, today Chad brought the kids to visit me on my lunch break. Before I left for work I reminded Gavin that he needed to finish his math worksheets which was his homework for the weekend. When they came to visit, Gavin had a very sad look on his face. "Alayna cut up my homework" he said. Chad then explained that he was very proud of how Gavin did his math with no whining or complaining. He set it on the kitchen table and within minutes Alayna got her scissors and cut the papers to bits! Poor Gavin! He worked *so hard* on that math and has nothing to show for it! I promised Gavin that I would write a note to his teacher explaining that he finished his homework and it looked great, but then his sister got into it.....I had to kind of laugh when I thought of the age-old excuse "my dog ate my homework".....except we don't have a dog.....just a cutting-happy 3-yr-old who seems to find the scissors at the most inopportune moments!

More Great Mama Blogs & Updates

2009-11-22T00:24:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed that I've added a couple of new favorite blogs on my sidebar list. Modern Alternative Mama and Keeper of the Home are both written by Christian women who I've grown to respect in the short time I've been reading their blogs. I've been very interested in staying as healthy as possible throughout this cold and flu season (more so than normal this year, with H1N1 flying around and affecting *many* families I know and love) and they have provided an abundance of information regarding natural methods to staying healthy. I also love that they are both natural birthing/homebirthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, organic eating, crunchy moms who happen to love the Lord! Their pages are full of wisdom and information....I highly recommend them!

Its been almost three weeks since Alayna stopped nursing. She still asks many times every day and I always give her the same answer: "I love you so much. I'll give you hugs and cuddles and kisses. You are such a big girl and you don't need nursies any more." I wonder how long it will take until she stops asking. Sometimes it breaks my heart, but I know its for the best. Of course, Cade is fighting some sort of flu bug or something and has been nursing almost nonstop so my boobies haven't really felt much difference! (Also makes it hard for A to see C nursing so much too.....).

Bedtime battles are getting MUCH better! We're trying very hard to have a consistent bedtime routine and I'm happy to say the older kids (Gavin and Alayna are ususally both in bed by around 8 or 8:30 now (yay!).....so much better than the 10 to 11 pm deal we were having for so long! Cade is still a work in progress as far as sleep goes....of course, he's dealing with sickness at the moment and I know that always disrupts sleep.....some day it will all be better, I know!

One last thing, I'm reading another great book! This is another of the great Dr. William Sears books (written along with his wife Martha) called The Successful Child. I've written in the past how much I love Dr. Sears and I also really respect his advice. I've always subscribed to the attachment parenting philosophy, but its so easy to get frustrated, beaten down, doubting myself and wondering if I'm ruining my children by not being more firm, more consumed with punishments and "teaching my kids a lesson". I'm learning that my relationship with my children *does* matter in the long run and its not just about immediate results....my investment in them will reap dividends later on as they turn into well adjusted adults. If you want to be encouraged in the direction of attachment parenting and get some great practical ideas for the day-to-day issues that come up as mothers, I highly recommend this book!

Bedtime Frustrations

2009-11-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

I'm reading Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and realizing that I have three kids that have some very bad sleep habits and are quite sleep deprived. The following is a quote from the book with my own commentary in parenthesis:

Your child may not seem tired, because overtired children don't always act tired--at least not in the ways parents expect....Do any of these apply to your child? tends to be whiny, fussy or clingy (YES!); sucks thumb, finger or pacifier at times other than bedtime (both Gavin and Alayna suck on their shirt sleeves); is hyperactive especially at times when you think he should be tired (Cade and Gavin - yes!); is overly stubborn (Oh my, YES for Alayna!); has regular temper tantrums or easily becomes upset or angry (YUP!); has difficulty falling asleep when put to bed (that is the biggest understatement thus far); falls asleep frequently when in the car, bus or train (happens often); falls asleep in front of the television (happens occasionally); sometimes falls asleep on the sofa or floor before bedtime (I have pictures to prove this is true); takes a long time to become awake and alert in the morning (YES!); does not appear to be well rested and full of energy (YES!); doesn't seem as happy as she should be (Oh my, YES!).

So, we've got some work to do. I feel guilty that I haven't been consistent enough with bedtime, which is supposed to be 8:30, but varies depending on if I'm home or working and how cooperative they are at obeying the directions to go to sleep. I'm realizing I need to have a very consistent bedtime routine and I attempted to create one tonight. My plan was to put them all in the bathtub around 7 pm. I thought between 7:30 and 8 could be "get into jammies" time and wind down, dim the lights. Then around 8:00 we'd have a last chance to go potty, brush teeth and read a story with the final lights out at 8:30. It didn't go as planned. Bathtime took much longer than expected. After getting Alayna into jammies and turning my attention to Cade, Alayna took all her clothes off and put on her bathing suit. Of course, when I realized this I reacted in a total Christ-like manner (right!), yanked off her bathing suit and forcefully reclothed her. As they were climbing into bed (right before the story) Alayna scratched Gavin's foot with a sharp toenail. So, off to the bathroom we went to find a bandaid and clip toenails. Finally, we got back into bed and I started reading the story again. Gavin and Alayna were doing great paying attention to the story. Cade, on the other hand, was rambunxious and kept head-butting Alayna. Seems silly to get angry at a 17-month-old for such behavior, but I was furious! I scooped Cade up and it took every ounce of willpower to not hurt him. I took him to his daddy in the living room and stomped back to the kids bedroom. Cade, upset that I transplanted him so abruptly, wailed. Somehow, I got through the rest of the story and the kids promised to stay in bed (something that rarely happens....usually they come out of their beds several times and I resort to yelling and threats.....not a good night for anyone). Miraculously, by 9:30 two of the three were in bed and staying there. Cade was still wailing in daddy's arms. I went back into the living room and nursed him, which calmed him considerably, but even now, at nearly 10 pm, he's wide awake. Its going to take more reading from Ms. Pantley to figure out how to get Cade going to bed at a reasonable hour.

I know I'm not alone dealing with the bedtime battles and lack of sleep and I know it will all get better at some point. I'm just hoping (with a little help) it will be sooner rather than later. With too little sleep I am not the calm, happy mama I want to be for my kids.

Officially Weaned!

2009-11-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

So, tonight I nursed Alayna for the very last time. I decided that I wanted to make it special so we went back in the bedroom (free from being terrorized by Cade) and I let her nurse for as long as she wanted. Normally I cut her off after a couple of minutes, but since this was the last time, I thought I'd let her go as long as she wanted. She nursed on both sides and I think noticed that I hadn't cut her off....she unlatched and asked, "why is this special nursies mama?" and I explained that this was the very last time she would nurse. She nursed another few minutes and then was done. Tomorrow will be the first official non-nursing day, so we'll see how that goes. Alayna nursed for 3 years, 5 months......way longer than I ever expected or imagined. It'll be nice to be only nursing one now and I look forward to a new chapter in Alayna's life.

Is the Birth Battle of Today Similar to the Breastfeeding Battle of Yesterday?

2009-10-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my mom yesterday and the conversation turned to birth and breastfeeding. She said something about how I am so passionate about birth and yet her passion is still for breastfeeding. Now, of course I am pro-breastfeeding, but it got me thinking about why I am *so passionate* about birth while she remains much more passionate about breastfeeding, even years after she nursed her kids. I'm wondering if it because I am able to reap the rewards of the battles that she and her generation fought for breastfeeding, while I am fighting the battles of my generation over birth.

By today's standards, no one doubts the superiority of breastmilk over baby formula. Ask any pediatrician who follows the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations on what is the best food for your newborn baby and they will quote verbatim "the AAP recommends that breastmilk is the best food for your baby through the first year of life." Of course, they get less supportive once you've hit that first birthday, but that's another topic for another day. However, that supportive position towards breastfeeding wasn't always there.

Imagine with me. A young woman learns she is expecting. Although she and all of her siblings were fed formula, she has heard from friends that breastmilk is actually better for her baby. She does lots of research which completely supports this position and she continues reading everything she can get her hands on to do everything possible to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start. When she informs her doctor of her plans to breastfeed, a patronizing look comes over his face. "Oh this silly girl," his eyes seem to say, "why doesn't she realize that medical technology has created a better milk?" He may even try to convince her of all the reasons why feeding a baby formula is so much more convenient and easy. "Just think," he says, "you'll be able to go out with your friends and not be tied down at home to that baby......it's liberation! Isn't that what the girls these days want anyway?" Imagine if that woman tries to breastfeed, but with no support from anyone she knows, when problems arise she has nowhere to turn and after shedding some tears, reaches for the can of formula. As that woman grieves the loss of her body's ability to make milk and nourish her baby, well-meaning friends and family try to cheer her up by saying things like, "look at that baby......she's completely perfect and healthy......why get all upset over what type of food to give to her; just be glad you have a healthy baby....." Is any of this starting to sound familiar?

I have no idea if those were actual arguments used in support of formula-feeding. Because I live in a time when breastfeeding is generally supported, its hard to imagine a time when "the professionals" were spouting advice that is 180 degrees opposite of what it is now.

Today we don't have to fight the breastfeeding battles of yesterday, but we do have almost the same battles in childbirth. Women who want to have a natural childbirth, do their research and present it to their doctor often times are laughed at, ridiculed and patronized. Who am *I* to question the decision-making ability of someone who went to medical school and has delivered babies for "x" number of years? Do I think I'm *better* than someone else for wanting something different? If it was good enough for so-and-so, why isn't it good enough for me? When our desires to avoid inductions, drugs and machines are compromised and we end up with much more of a medicalized birth than what we had hoped for and dreamed of we are (in essence) told we are selfish to mourn our natural childbirth.....after all, our baby is healthy.....isn't that all that matters?

Looking to the future, I hope history repeats itself and the next generation will look to us with thankful hearts for the battles we fought (and won!) for them. I hope my daughter (and my sons' wives) have more choices in childbirth. I hope they look back at women who were refused food, refused a tub to ease labor pain, drugged up and were hooked up with wires to machines and think "wow! how archaic! I'm glad I don't have to go through that!" Even if they take their birthing freedoms for granted, I'll be happy, knowing I was part of the generation that paved the way!

I heart Lindsey Meehleis!

2009-10-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

This video is inspiring! Watching it, I wonder....is this my path? I don't know if I yet have the courage to go forward toward being a doula, childbirth educator or whatever God has in store for me, but its exciting to watch other women achieving that goal and I love living vicariously through them.

My Journey to a VBAC from Lindsey Meehleis on Vimeo.

Watching Your Due Date Come and Go

2009-10-06T13:37:00.001-07:00

Preparing for Cade's birth, with two births (including my very powerful VBAC) under my belt, I felt like I knew everything I needed to know to have him. I was convinced he would come a week early. I went into labor with Gavin 3 days before my due date. Alayna came 5 days before hers. So, naturally I assumed that each baby would come earlier and earlier and Cade was bound to be a good 7 days early......I was WRONG!!!

I remember scheduling a "40 week" appointment with my midwife and we both joked that it would most likely not be necessary....we were both convinced I'd have Cade before that date. Knowing everything I knew that babies come when they are supposed to and as against elective inductions as I was (am), I must admit it was disappointing to not be in labor and a temptation to "take matters into my own hands". There were definitely things going on externally that made me feel pressured to have this baby SOON! My mom was in town and although I knew she'd be there for several weeks, it definitely felt like everyone was waiting around for this baby to come.

In some ways, I felt responsible that he wasn't here yet! I know that sounds silly, looking in hindsight, but I did have those feelings at the time. My dad flew in on my due date! Again, we had convinced ourselves that he'd come early and my dad would come for a week to see us. That's probably the biggest pressure I had. I *so* wanted my dad to meet his newest grandson. It would have killed me for him to come and go and not see Cade. Because of this, I did agree to have my membranes stripped (but not broken!) at that 40 week appointment....something that I didn't think I wanted to do originally. It didn't really do anything for us right away, but Cade came in his own timing, 5 days past when he was predicted.

That brings me to why I'm posting this today. "The Unnecesarean" has a new guest post about being Postdates and does a great job talking about what that really means. I think when we're in the situation, tired of being pregnant, family is waiting for baby and we're really, really, *really* ready to get this show on the road, I think its a great idea to get our head back in reality and know that our babies really do know the best time to come....its not always when we think it should or will be. I was so grateful to my midwife for her encouragement, assuring me that I was healthy, Cade was healthy....we just needed to wait and not hurry him earlier than when he's ready. I'm reminded that not all women have someone in their life who will encourage them this way. In fact, many women have the exact opposite....a provider who is feeling rushed, wants to induce or schedule surgery, plants seeds of fear that something might be wrong with her baby and pushes for decisions to speed things up. During these times, the best thing we can do is pray for peace. Non-stress tests for the baby are great at easing our worry that something is wrong.

A friend just had a beautiful baby girl at home at almost 42 weeks. Baby was posterior, but she had a fast labor (an hour and a half!) and she jokes that the experience was "almost orgasmic"! That makes me smile! In the mainstream obstetric world, she would have been put through the system, probably induced, who knows what else. Her head would have most definitely been filled with seeds of doubt that her baby would be healthy, that she'd start labor all on her own. But as it was, with a knowledgable and caring midwife to care for her at home, she kept a positive attitude the whole time and it certainly paid off in the end!

Timing

2009-09-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

The past couple of days have been amazing. Reading The Christian Childbirth Handbook and The Nurturing Touch at Birth have really put an excitement in my heart for becoming a doula. However, I'm really struggling right now with the timing of it all. With everything else going on in my life, can I really add something else that will eat up my time? Will my children suffer if I'm gone even more at births? What about my marriage? I've already decided that when I do this it will be on a very limited basis....maybe one to two births per month. Also, I feel very strongly that this needs to be a ministry, not a business and I am currently working a retail job in the evenings once my husband is home to watch the kids, which doesn't mesh well with the unpredictibility of birth. Women will need me to commit to being available for them but I also want to be of good character at work and not start missing work all the time because I'm at a birth. So, it creates a bit of a quandry for me and I'm trying to figure out if God wants me to get all the details worked out first or if he wants me to step out in faith and trust him to work out all the details. Of course I want to trust him, but I also want to be responsible and not damage my reputation at my current job.

Excerpts from "The Christian Childbirth Handbook"

2009-09-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! UPS just dropped off the first of two books I ordered from Amazon last week. I'm glad that Cade is napping (and Gavin and Alayna are at school right now) which gives me the perfect chance to thumb through this book. My first impressions are "This book is amazing!" I've already fallen in love with "Christ Centered Childbirth" by Kelly Townsend and I've been really excited to dig into this one as well. What I really respect about it is that really follows an "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" format which (of course) is very biblical. I'm hoping to use both books (Christ Centered Childbirth and Christian Childbirth Handbook) in my future doula ministry. What will be a challenge for me is to support and advocate for women during pregnancy without "coloring" them with my own personal beliefs about natural childbirth. Here's some excerpts to demonstrate what I mean:

Though the Bible gives us standards and principles, there is very little in the way of 'Thou Shalt Not' when it comes to giving birth. It is probably no surprise to you that families can read the same Bible and believe they are called to different actions. Listed here are some of the most common debates in Christian childbirth with the Biblical reasoning given from each side....Be willing to explore both sides of each issue, searching the Bible for clear understanding. When you are done, God may have given you a new outlook on a topic you thought you understood, or he may have strengthened your faith in things you already believed......

Is Childbirth Supposed to be Painful?
Yes: Pain in childbirth is a consequence of the first sin. (Gen. 3:16)
No: I have been redeemed. I am not under the curse and so do not have to suffer the consequences as they pertained to giving birth. (Galationas 3:13)

(More examples given...I just picked one point each for "yes" and "no")

Should a Christian plan to use pain medication?
Yes: My faith and freedom in Christ allows me to use medication in labor. (Romans 14:1-4)
No: I want to use wisdom and discernment to make sure I only resort to medications if they are medically necessary so I do not add risk to the health of my baby or mine. I will not plan to use them because I am afraid. Instead, I'll let God strengthen me. (Galatians 5:13, 2 Tim. 1:7)

And it goes on with headings such as "Stewardship of Good Nutrition", "Spiritually Healthy Pregnancy" and "Making Positive Lifestyle Changes" before it gets into the nitty gritty with the stages of labor, birth planning and dealing with labor challenges.

I am so excited to read this book cover-to-cover....it looks very thorough in the topics it covers and its so refreshing to read it from a Christian worldview.

Gotta Love Video Birth Stories!

2009-09-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

All I can say after watching this is WOW!!! If you love reading birth stories, you'll LOVE watching this video of the births of three children, two by cesarean and one by VBA2C!!! Be sure to read the letter that scrolls at the end of the video. I had to pause it a few times (what can I say, I'm a slow reader!) but I thought it was a great ending to a fantastic video.

Cesarean vs. VBAC: A Dramatic Difference from Alexandra Orchard on Vimeo.

Uphill Battle to VBAC

2009-09-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

I found an article today from several years ago that got my attention titled Mother Sues Doctor Over Cesarean. It got my attention because I had never heard of anyone successfully winning a case because an unwanted (and unneeded) cesarean was performed. I think the only reason the woman actually won the case was because of the horrible complications that resulted from the surgery. There are a number of things that stuck out to me as incredibly sad about this story. Here's a quote:

She went into labor and again asked to try for a VBAC, however another doctor in the practice performed a cesarean instead.

Its stated so matter-of-fact. She wanted a VBAC, but a doctor performed a cesarean. But, then I try to put myself there.....what really went down? I imagine a laboring woman pleading for the right and ability to birth normally. She's in labor. Everything seems to be normal. Then "another doctor in the practice performed a cesarean". It never says "they convince her to have a cesarean." No where in the article does it suggest they had any sort of consent from her. Did they drug her, knock her out and extract her baby? I cannot imagine the trauma that would cause and I don't know how any doctor in his/her right mind could think that was ok!

Another thing that saddens me is that this article was written in 2007....not sure when the case actually came about, but probably shortly before the article, I would assume. So, what has happened since then? Absolutely nothing! There are more "VBAC bans" now than ever before. Doctors continually bully women into surgeries they don't want. I believe it is only a matter of time before there are more surgery-related complications and lawsuits to follow. I don't like that. I've never been a fan of lawsuits. "The fear of litigation" is a huge reason given of why VBACs are so rare nowadays. What will it take for doctors to respect women and allow them to fully participate in their care? Am I dreaming to even think its possible?

The Power of Silence

2009-09-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

I thought this was a really good article about the Power of Silence when giving birth. I'm not a huge supporter of unassisted birth, but the ideas in the article are right on!

Must-See Video

2009-08-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

This is a 17-minute video that (I think) does a fabulous job of explaining our maternal health care crisis and offers suggestions to improve it. A must-see video for anyone who is pregnant, may become pregnant in the future or is simply concerned with the overmedicalization of birth in the United States.

Reducing Infant Mortality from Debby Takikawa on Vimeo.

Taking Herbs to Aid Postpartum Recovery

2009-08-27T00:20:00.000-07:00

This is a great article from Midwifery Today about herbs that can help speed recovery during the postpartum period. It specifically talks about taking care of your perineum and I thought it would be great information for someone who wants to avoid pain pills (or take as few as possible)and also to speed recovery from any tears you may have. You can also click over to "Part Two" of the article where it talks about more severe tears. One of the items was "Witch Hazel" which is the one thing I recognized as they do give those witch hazel pads in the hospital and I couldn't have survived without them for the first week or so postpartum.....that and the numbing spray! Maybe soaking in some of those herbs would have sped things up a bit.....if anyone ever trys it, let me know how it works!

Canada Gets It ~ America, its time WE got it, too!

2009-08-02T23:38:00.001-07:00

A facebook friend of mine posted this article about the troubling rise in C-sections the other day and I wanted to share it here because it is quite a rarity to see such accurate information in the mainstream media. Of course I talk a lot about avoiding c-sections and sometimes I think I am misunderstood as some sort of "hater of women with c-sections" which is absolutely funny to me since I *am* a woman who has had a c-section. (See my c-section story here.) And my c-section WAS completely necessary....I am completely grateful for the procedure that quite possibly saved my son's life! However, it was through my fight to VBAC that I realized the ridiculousness of the things they do to a woman in labor that many, many times results in a c-section....things that could have easily been avoided.

Another thing I learned through my dealings with OBs (either myself or my friends experiences) is that most OBs view a cesarean as "just another way to be born" so sometimes I wonder if they don't really think all that badly of doing so many interventions because, well, if we need to we can just do a c-section. In fact, since my first child was born by c-section, I used to have similar attitudes. I had no idea why some women got so excited about birth. "Just a means to an end," I'd say, "as long as the baby is healthy" which *of course* we all want our babies to be healthy, but if I can have a healthy baby and be a whole mama who is going to physically recover faster, be more-quickly bonded to my baby and have an experience that brings me closer to God, my husband AND our baby, then that's what I want! I don't think that makes me selfish.....or maybe it does, but I don't think its a bad thing.

Well, that rant kind of came out of nowhere! Thanks for letting me go off a bit and I really do hope you enjoy the article!

Birth Ministry

2009-07-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well, something has been on my heart for weeks now and I have put off blogging about it until I know its something God would have me pursue. I would like to get trained as a birth doula and possibly a childbirth educator and turn it into a ministry to provide those services to women who are desiring a Christ-centered childbirth. I am very excited about this opportunity and have recently seen or read some really inspiring stuff. Check out Refuse To Be A Wombpod's Consider The Lilies post for a beautiful birth story that truly brings honor and glory to God. Also, this video of a woman singing praise and worship to her heavenly father while in labor is absolutely beautiful! (Be sure to scroll down once you open the link to see the video.) Incidently, Cascade is the organization I'm looking into getting certified through.

So, right now I'm praying for the right timing and the money to get the training. I know God will provide and I don't want to jump out ahead of Him. In the meantime, I am reading tons and tons about childbirth, especially books and articles stressing the spiritual aspects of birth and/or gentle birthing practices. You all know how I love "Christ Centered Childbirth" and I'm hoping to soon read "The Christian Childbirth Handbook" and "Supernatural Childbirth"....I've heard good things about both of these books. I am excited to begin this journey and consider it an honor to serve women in this way.

Two Birth Related TV Shows

2009-07-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

So, I'm watching two shows (yay tivo!) that I normally don't ever watch: Birth Day and Deliver Me Home Edition. The Birth Day episode is about VBAC and I was interested to see what they would say about it. Interestingly, the show was produced in 2000 when VBAC was actually encouraged by the medical community. Of course it was totally medical model and one woman had an unnecessary repeat C (she was "overdue" at just over 41 weeks and her induction failed....of course!) but I was pleasantly surprised that they gave a lot of accurate information and seemed quite positive about VBAC. I was also impressed that DHC is still airing this 9 years later, especially now that the medical community is not so VBAC-friendly.

I'm disappointed in this Deliver Me Home Edition show and wondering what in the world is "home edition" about it? It looks like every other birth show (in hospital of course) to me. I can't for the life of me figure out why they named it that! I guess its because they follow up with families "at home".....whatever!

Your Body is Not Broken

2009-06-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

I found this blog post by Birthkeeper over at Midwifery Ramblings and wanted to share it. The post is a bit old, but the advice will never be so. I think this is so wonderful because I know so many women who have a "failed induction" and they feel like a failure....like their body doesn't work right. They may even sign up for a cesarean next time since they don't believe their body knows how to go into labor. Isn't it great to know that your body isn't broken? Your body is doing exactly what it is supposed to.....exactly the way God made it to work. I just love it!

Two Types of Care ~ Did you know you have a choice?

2009-06-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

I spend a lot of time talking about midwives and how wonderful I think they are, but it recently occured to me those who have never been in the care of a midwife may not really know what the difference is between the care received by a midwife compared to the care received by an OB-GYN. Did you know that there are two models of care? Midwives and OBs actually follow completely different models of care....this was something I never knew until I started learning more about midwives. So, what are the differences? Take a look at this article which compares the Midwifery Model of Care with the Medical Model of Care.

Listen to Your Mama Instincts

2009-06-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

As mamas, we've all had times when we "had a gut feeling" about something and we either listened to our mama instincts or we explained it away as an irrational thought. Maybe our hearts were telling us one thing and our popular culture was telling us differently. How many times have you heard someone say, "I was up 4 times with the baby last night and I finally just brought him to bed with me. I know, I know, its horrible. I'm creating such a bad habit." I always want to say, "Why is that horrible? And who says its a bad habit?" Usually the answer is something like "my doctor said my baby should be sleeping through the night in his own bed by now..." but we need to remember that doctors don't study sleep habits in medical school. They're a great help when my baby has a fever or to figure out what that strange rash is, but there are a few things I've learned not to talk to doctors about and sleeping habits and breastfeeding issues are two things I don't even discuss with them.

I'm not trying to say everyone should cosleep; it works wonderfully for some families and for others, its not such a great solution. I just want you to not feel guilty for making choices about your mothering that may go against the grain of what popular culture is telling you what you "should" be doing. I believe God gives us those "mama's intuition" moments to nudge us in the direction we should go. Sure, there is a time for "tough love" and allowing our children to make their own mistakes even though it eats us up inside, but all too often we push aside that small voice and give our power over to "the experts."

Links of the Day:
I wanted to include a few links I found today that I really like.
Ask Dr. Sears - I really respect Dr. Sears' perspective on things. He is a great resource for lots of issues that arise in our mothering and he is supportive of a more natural way of parenting.
Giving Birth Naturally - So have I peaked your interest with all the natural childbirth stuff? If so, you'll want to check out this site. Lots of information about natural childbirth classes, birth plans, how to pick a provider and much, much more!
1 in 3 Post by Bellies and Babies - I found this blog post and thought it was very well written about why we should be concerned that one out of every three babies is born by cesarean section.

"Christ Centered Childbirth" by Kelly Townsend

2009-06-17T23:33:00.000-07:00

For anyone who is pregnant or might become pregnant in the future, I would like to recommend the book "Christ Centered Childbirth" by Kelly Townsend. I read this when I was pregnant with Alayna and found it not only informative, but it transformed my apprehensiveness into peace. It brought the focus back to God where it belongs. It helped me not "worry" so much and trust that God will take care of me and my baby. I saw this review of the book and thought it was so well said, I'd include it here. The author makes a reference to Romans 12:2, so I looked it up. The verse is familiar to me, but I'd never thought about it with birth in mind and I'd like to share it with you.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

What is the current "pattern of this world" in the birthing world? Go to an OB, do whatever they tell you to do, conform to their standards and protocols regardless of whether or not what they are advising is (a) true and (b) in the best interest of you and your baby. I would encourage all women to not be afraid to challenge their doctor....ask questions like "why are you advising me to be induced?" and "Am I healthy? Is my baby healthy? What is the reason for this intervention?" Also, pray for discernment that you will know when there really is a medical need and when your doctor is not thinking in your best interest.....c-section because the baby is "taking too long" or might be "too big", induction because you're two seconds passed your due date or the doctor isn't going to be on call this weekend. You can always ask "is this the only option....what are my alternatives and what are the risks/benefits to those alternatives?" Someone I know would always ask herself "what is the next best thing?" if what she wanted turned out not to be a possibility.

I honestly do believe that my mind has been renewed by everything I've learned about birth in the last 3 or so years. God wants us to draw close to Him and I think for many women (me included) he uses childbirth to reinitiate that relationship.

Depending on Christ through Childbirth ~Part 2~ To VBAC or Not to VBAC....That is the Question!

2009-06-16T11:59:00.000-07:00

Now that you know the story of my firstborn, you can understand why was quite apprehensive to have another child. I always thought that I'd want my first two children two years apart, but as Gavin approached the age of 2, I knew I wasn't ready. I just needed some more time, though, because shortly after Gavin turned 3, Chad and I were ready to add the next member of our family. The big question for me this time was "Am I even going to try a vaginal birth or should I just have a repeat c-section?" I wouldn't even allow myself to consider a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean...pronounced V-back) until I had a doctor's appointment and got a green light. With all of the complications and additional surgeries after my cesarean, I wasn't even sure if I would be a good candidate. A friend recommended an OB who was known to be supportive of VBAC and I made an appointment and told him my story (the cliff notes version, lol!). I then asked him what he thought and he said, "well, I'll definitely need to see your medical records and surgery notes to make sure there aren't any surprises, but from what you've told me I don't see any reason why you couldn't have a trial of labor....BUT....you should only go that route if you *really* want to have that vaginal birth experience. I used to do VBACs all the time in the '90s, but times have changed and its become a lot more controversial....not because of safety concerns, its because of legal issues....really its complicated but you just need to know that not as many doctors allow VBACs any more so unless you *really* want it, I'd advise having a repeat c-section...of course (he chuckles) having a scheduled c-section would be much easier on me so of course that's what I'd recommend. You just think about it and we can talk about it next time." Looking back, I am so thankful for the honesty and integrity of this man. I have heard of so many women who have been lied to and told they couldn't or shouldn't VBAC for a number of reasons, many of which have turned out to be bogus. I personally know women who were told that their pelvis was just too small for that 9 lb 8 oz baby and then they go on to VBAC a 10+ lb baby. If you are not considering VBAC because you have been told this, please do some research and find out how baby's position actually has much more to do with how easily he comes out than does size.

I went home from that appointment with mixed feelings. On one hand, it would have made my decision-making much easier if he had told me it would be too dangerous for me to VBAC, with my previous scar issues and all. I remember how he pointed out that "that was your skin....not your uterus" when I expressed the concern that if I'd already ruptured once, doesn't that make me high risk for rupturing again. Scheduling a cesarean would make planning my mom's visit from Michigan much easier. Chad was definitely in favor of me having surgery "just because we know what to expect." However, there was this little part of me that knew if I didn't try.....if I didn't at least try a vaginal birth, I'd never know what it was like. Would I wonder if I could have had a positive experience and a quicker recovery? Later down the road, would I regret it if I don't at least give it a shot? So, after lots of thinking and praying and through tears, I decided I would try this VBAC thing.

My biggest fear was actually not uterine rupture (the major fear doctors have). My biggest fear for this birth was that of disappointment. Would I get all hyped up for a VBAC only to fail and end up with a repeat c-section? I decided that I was going to read everything I could get my hands on and do everything possible to avoid a c-section. I quickly learned that because of the fear of litigation, doctors will call a c-section much sooner on a VBAC mom than they might otherwise for a non-scarred mom. I was going to have to have a "textbook labor" (with not even a hint of complication) if I was going to be successful at avoiding the cesarean.

I went to my next OB appt. feeling great now that the weight of decision-making had been lifted. I informed him that I had made a decision (he smiled as he anticipated what he thought would be my decision to have RCS) and that I'd like to try the VBAC. As soon as the word left my lips, his smile vanished and he let out a sigh. I wondered where my VBAC-supportive doctor went, but he recovered, smiled again (although it was a much more forced smile) and said "Ok, no problem. We will just make sure we induce you early and.... (I interrupted him). "Um, why would I be induced?" "Well, we'll need to make sure I'm on call when you go into labor. If you go into labor during the week, I'll be there to deliver your baby. But if you go into labor on a weekend, I share call with 5 other doctors, so I'm only on call every 6th weekend. Some of the doctors would probably let you deliver vaginally if you presented in labor, but other doctors aren't so supportive of VBAC and might force you to have a cesarean." I was completely caught off guard. Not wanting to be disrespectful, I just told him I'd have to "think about it." I went home, did more research on the risks of being induced and went back to my next appointment with reasons why I wasn't so keen on being induced. "Doesn't it increase my risk of a uterine rupture?" I asked. "Well, technically yes," he said, "but it doesn't increase it that much...we're talking less than a percent difference". Side note: I just love how doctors pick and choose which risks to downplay and which risks to scare the living *** out of their patients.....sorry, had to go off about that a little bit.

So, since Dr. S pretty much gave me an ultimatum (be induced or else...) I decided that at 20 weeks (halfway through my pregnancy) I needed to find a new provider. Like I've already said, I do respect Dr. S for his integrity and I'm sure he's a great surgeon, but he wasn't the right provider for me if I wanted the best chance at a successful VBAC. My friend (who was feeling horrible by this time that she'd recommended someone who wasn't quite as VBAC friendly as we first thought) found a new doctor for me to try. Dr. K was known to be supportive not only of VBAC, but natural childbirth as well.

So that brings me to my introduction to natural childbirth. I always giggle when someone uses the term "natural childbirth" when they really mean "vaginal childbirth". Different people have different opinions of what actually constitutes a "natural childbirth" but for my definition, I'm going to define it as an approach to childbirth which believes that your body knows how to give birth and if mother and baby are healthy, it is wise to let labor start on its own (no induction of labor), continue on its own (no augmentation) and generally requires little medical intervention. We who believe this are thankful for the life-saving technology that exists, but don't think the majority of healthy women really need it. Also, most women opt to not take pain medication as it has been known to slow down labor and in many cases leads to other interventions that wouldn't be necessary if the pain medication had not been given.

I need to add at this point that my reasons for deciding to go drug-free with Alayna were vastly different than they were with Cade. With Alayna (being my first VBAC) my only reason was to assure a successful VBAC. I know an epidural doesn't slow every labor down, but I would have been so disappointed with myself if it affected mine and I could have prevented a c-section. Once I had my first VBAC (and I survived it!) I realized all of the added benefits. Alayna was so alert....I'd never seen anything like it. I know this will sound unbelievable, but she practically crawled (scooted really) from my belly (where they placed her right after birth) up to my breasts, looking to nurse. She looked like a baby bird with her mouth open looking to latch. It was a 180 degree difference from all the suckling problems I had with Gavin. I also couldn't believe how incredibly good I felt immediately after birth....not the drugged haze I was in after my c-section. Granted, the amount of drugs given for a c-section is huge compared to what is given for a vaginal birth in an epidural, but for me, not feeling drugged was worth it. And then there's that rush of endorphines that flooded my body at the moment of birth that filled me with love and tears of joy....the best feeling I've ever had.....I'm so glad my body was fully alert to experience that. You can read all the details of Alayna's birth in my family blog.

Almost two years after Alayna's birth, I had my third child, another boy whom we named Cade, my second natural VBAC. The only difference this time was that I'd decided that midwives are much better than doctors at attending a natural delivery (doctors are great when there are problems, but midwives are the experts at natural childbirth!) and so I signed on with a practice of midwives instead of finding an OB. Cade's birth was a bit more traumatic (you can read the details by clicking on the link) and I had a rougher post-partum period, but I had an awesome labor.....one that I'll remember and cherish always.

Depending on Christ through Childbirth....aka....You gave birth with no drugs??? Are You Crazy???

2009-06-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

So, the short answer is "Yes, I gave birth without pain relieving drugs (twice actually) and no I am not crazy." I actually have three beautiful children and in order to explain why I will have to tell you a story that will probably end up being very long but hopefully you'll begin to see how this really has been a journey for me. Just as a disclaimer, I get very detailed about my births in this post, including my cesarean and the complications that followed. If you are pregnant or at a place where reading scary birth stories might not be a good idea, you may not want to read further.

I was 24 years old when I became pregnant for the first time. I had been married about a year and it just seemed like the right time to start a family. During that first pregnancy, I did everything right....ate the right foods, avoided all the things I was told to avoid. I had a very uncomplicated pregnancy (except for all the "normal" stuff like horrible nausea, fatigue and pretty bad swelling in my feet toward the end). We knew we were having a boy and had decided on the name Gavin Dean. Gavin was simply a name we liked and Dean is my father's middle name. We attended a local childbirth education class and got your run-of-the-mill typical hospital class. We made a birth plan, but since I really didn't know what I wanted, it was pretty standard to the hospital's policies. I was open to getting an epidural....I guess I assumed I'd need one since I have such a low pain tolerance. However, I don't know why, maybe I wanted to see what my body was capable of, but I didn't want to get it right away. I wanted to wait as long as I could....heck! Maybe I wouldn't even need one at all!

On July 12, 2002 my husband and I went out to dinner to celebrate after having a very successful day at work. We went to a steakhouse and I ate *so much* that night, possibly forgetting that I was 9 months pregnant.....4 days short of my due date. Later that evening I felt so sick and wondered why I ate so much. Chad had early morning plans to go waterskiing with my dad the next day (which was a Saturday) and I didn't want to disturb him, so I layed on the couch and was back and forth to the bathroom for several hours. It never crossed my mind that I might go into labor that night. I had just had an appt. with my OB that morning and I remembered her saying, "you aren't dilated at all. I can't make any predictions, but I think I can safely say you won't go into labor today. After that, I can't make any promises." Plus, this was my first baby and I had heard over and over again that first time moms *always* go passed their due date. The more time that passed, the worse I felt. It got so bad that I started to think I shouldn't wait until morning. Even though it was close to 2:00 a.m., I started thinking maybe I should call the on-call doctor. I woke Chad up and told him I wasn't feeling well and maybe we should call the doctor. There was a long pause (he later admitted that he was trying to think of a way to lovingly assure me that I was fine and to just come to bed). Then it happened! GUUUUSSSSHHHHHHH! Wet everywhere! I said, "Ummmm, either I just peed myself or my water just broke." That got him out of bed!

We raced around throwing things together. I called the on-call doctor (the same OB I had seen that morning). She was surprised to hear from me, but said I should probably go to the hospital and get checked out. Contractions started right away and they were pretty intense. In the car, we started timing them. It was hard for me to know when they were starting, so we timed them from the peak of one to the peak of the next. 3 minutes apart. Next one was 4 minutes apart. Next one was 2 minutes apart. Chad said, "You must not be doing this right....they are not supposed to be that close together this early." I practically yelled, "how am I supposed to know if I'm doing this right? I've never done this before!!" Looking back, it seems kind of funny, but it was incredibly intense at the time.

When we arrived at the hospital, there was a flurry of activity as the residents checked me out and my doctor was soon called. They kept telling me not to worry about them...just concentrate on my labor. I *was* concentrating on my labor, but of course as soon as they told me not to worry, I started worrying! They also offered me an epidural, but I declined at that point. The contractions were intense, no doubt! But they didn't seem overwhelming.....I felt like I could manage the pain. When my doctor came and saw that I was barely dilated to one cm and I was contracting like I was in active labor, she was concerned. She said, "there are two things that are concerning me. The first is that with each of your contractions, your baby's heartrate is going way below normal. The other is that you are contracting very actively, yet you are only dilated to one cm. We don't know how quickly you will dilate, but it probably will take many more hours and we don't know how much of this your baby can handle. We can wait a little while if you want, but we may need to talk about a cesarean section.

My. Heart. Stopped. Cesarean? I'm going to have a cesarean? The idea of having surgery was not even on my radar that night. All of a sudden, I thought of my mom. See, I was born by cesarean section.....my mother's first baby.....surgically removed from her womb. Fetal distress. Just like my baby boy. That's when I started to cry. My mom came into the room (she had been in the hallway calling my dad) and heard the news that I was being prepped for surgery. To be completely honest, I had mixed feelings about going in for the c-section. I had definitely not planned on going under the knife that night, but another part of me was excited that I was going to meet my baby much sooner than expected and relief that the incredible pain would be over within minutes.

Once the spinal took effect, they wheeled me into the OR. I remember having some creepy thoughts about it looking like one of those rooms where they take convicts on death row.....death by lethal injection. It also kind of reminded me of Jesus dying on the cross. (The table actually does look a bit like a cross, with your arms out to the sides, strapped down.) Kind of strange in a creepy sort of way that my only two thoughts were about death when I was about to bring new life into this world. The surgery itself was a bit surreal. Its hard to wrap your mind around what they are actually doing......and knowing you're awake the whole time! The one horrible side effect I remember was my entire body shaking. My teeth were chattering and I probably couldn't have kept my arms on the table if they hadn't been strapped down. My anesthesiologist was a grandfatherly sort of man. He sat by my head during the entire surgery and said, "I can give you something for the shaking if you want, but you need to know that it will probably make you very sleepy." I was so afraid of falling asleep. This was my big moment.....my baby was being born and I was NOT going to fall asleep! "No, I'll be ok," I said. However, after just a few more minutes of shaking, my arms started cramping and I knew I needed to take something. "Ok, give it to me....I can't take this anymore!" I still remember to this day the feeling of relief and rest as my muscles relaxed and the shaking stopped. I felt good......really, really good....and really tired. Maybe I could just close my eyes for a couple of minutes....NO! STAY AWAKE!!! Do not miss this! I remember them bringing Gavin to me and saying "here's your baby....congratulations mom" and I was like "oh, wow, thanks" and then conk! Out like a light! I awoke in recovery and at some point my doctor came to talk to me. I was told it was a good thing they did the c-section. My placenta had prematurely separated from my uterus (a rare condition called Placenta Abruption) cutting off the oxygen supply to my baby....this explained the heart rate drop.

Although Gavin seemed ok, they wanted to admit him to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for observation. It took about 30 hours until he was released. I believe I saw him twice during that time. This part of the story is hard for me because I believe mistakes were made and no one was communicating with me what was going on. They knew I was planning to breastfeed. It was written in my birth plan and they either ignored it or lost it during the change in plans to a surgical birth. They gave him formula in the NICU....even though I had pumped milk for him. Oh I was so mad!

Gavin and I had a horrible time with breastfeeding. I didn't realize it at the time, but I now know that we weren't bonding the way a mother normally bonds with her newborn and I was heading for post-partum depression. Friends and well-wishers would say things like "what a beautiful baby....don't you just love being a mom?" and on the outside I'd smile and say "sure, its wonderful" but inside I had no idea what they were talking about. I felt horrible!

Exactly one week from the day Gavin was born, we were having a particularly rough night and Gavin refused to latch on to nurse. I got so upset that I walked into the bedroom, laid Gavin on my bed and angerly hoisted myself up onto the bed....rrrrriiiip!!! What was that? I looked down at my incision and thought, "no, no way, that is not what I think it is." I carefully took my pants off and saw a small trickle of blood coming from my incision. Oh Lord, what did I just do? I called my doctor (a different on call dr. than the one who performed my cesarean) and described what happened. She didn't seem very concerned. "It can be normal to have a small amount of blood." We got off the phone, but about 5 minutes later I called her back. I just didn't believe this was normal. "Well, if it makes you feel better, you can go to the ER and get checked out." It was late at night by the time we arrived at the ER. We waited for my mom to come over to watch the baby and it was nearly 11 pm by the time we arrived at the hospital. I had put a maxi pad horizontally across my incision to catch the blood as we transported to the hospital and when the ER technician took it off, blood burbled from the wound.....at that moment, I thought I might die. I imagined Chad as a single dad struggling to bring up this little boy on his own. I pleaded with God not to take me yet. I didn't want to leave my new little family with no mother. Thankfully, they got the bleeding under control. They gave me morphine and that's the last I remember. When I awoke, I was informed that they would be taking me to a room. I hadn't even processed it in my head that I was being readmitted to the hospital. Chad looked awful! Like he'd been up all night....then I saw a wall clock.....4 am......he HAD been up all night! I told him to go home and get some sleep. I'm sure my mom was worried sick and I was also worried about Gavin not having anything to eat. I knew we had some formula at home....it was the free stuff they give you in that diaper bag "gift" at the hospital. As much as I hated the thought of him having the formula, I couldn't think of any better option at this point until I was well enough to pump some milk for him.

I think I'll stop this part of the story here for now. It really could go on for pages, but you get the picture of how horrible this experience was for me. I stayed in the hospital for 2 days and was released to go home. I had home health nurses coming to my apartment to change my bandages twice a day. Oh, I guess I do need to explain one more thing. See, when they put me out with the morphine, they reopened my incision to clean it all out. They did not reclose it due to a risk of infection. I really didn't completely get this until that first dressing change in the hospital, but my incision was not closed. It was packed with gause and bandaged. It was the worst pain I had ever had.....way worse than the contractions during labor.....and it was a very different pain. Not like a muscle pain like contractions, this was like a stabbing horrific pain. I was told that the incision would heal naturally over time. After 3 months, it still wasn't completely healed. I saw a plastic surgeon and had my third surgery in that short 3 month period. It was called a "scar revision" surgery, but my doctor tried to make me feel better by telling me I was getting a free tummy tuck!

Ok, this post has gotten so long that I need to stop for now. In my next post I'll talk about my next pregnancy, my decision to VBAC and all the obstacles along the way.