Being a Mom is Hard Work!

Can I just say that again......Being a Mom is HARD WORK! It really is. Today I was reading a blog where a fellow Mom discussed how she felt she was losing her identity, questioning who she really is and I have to say I can totally relate to that! Sure I love my kids and do not regret for a minute the sacrifices I've made to be at home with them, but sometimes I think back to "before the kids" and I can't help but long for some of that peace sometimes. I really don't think that's bad. I also don't think its bad for us to take care of ourselves. We spend so time taking care of our children and our husbands that we sometimes forget to take a break for ourselves.

Now, the sad thing is that as I read some of the comments under the article I found so much judgement of this mother who just needed to vent a little. "Get over it" some said. "You're being selfish." My knee-jerk reaction is to yell at the naysayers: So you think you're the perfect mom? You've never had a moment of weakness? You're ALWAYS 100% at the top of your game and never feel like you're losing yourself to the title of "Mom"? It just reminds me of all the judgements we make about other mothers and really challenges me to not fall into that trap. I'm as guilty as anyone of judging the choices other mothers have made.....is that the type of woman Christ wants me to be? Of course not! My hope and prayer is that we will all be women of intregity, women who encourage others, women who say "I know its hard...hang in there". When others see our kindness, our compassion, our love....that's when they will see Jesus in us.

My Sister Ate My Homework

I've been working a TON this weekend.....that's what I get for having a job in retail, right? Its been a little hard on the kids not having Mom home as much. So, today Chad brought the kids to visit me on my lunch break. Before I left for work I reminded Gavin that he needed to finish his math worksheets which was his homework for the weekend. When they came to visit, Gavin had a very sad look on his face. "Alayna cut up my homework" he said. Chad then explained that he was very proud of how Gavin did his math with no whining or complaining. He set it on the kitchen table and within minutes Alayna got her scissors and cut the papers to bits! Poor Gavin! He worked *so hard* on that math and has nothing to show for it! I promised Gavin that I would write a note to his teacher explaining that he finished his homework and it looked great, but then his sister got into it.....I had to kind of laugh when I thought of the age-old excuse "my dog ate my homework".....except we don't have a dog.....just a cutting-happy 3-yr-old who seems to find the scissors at the most inopportune moments!

More Great Mama Blogs & Updates

You may have noticed that I've added a couple of new favorite blogs on my sidebar list. Modern Alternative Mama and Keeper of the Home are both written by Christian women who I've grown to respect in the short time I've been reading their blogs. I've been very interested in staying as healthy as possible throughout this cold and flu season (more so than normal this year, with H1N1 flying around and affecting *many* families I know and love) and they have provided an abundance of information regarding natural methods to staying healthy. I also love that they are both natural birthing/homebirthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, organic eating, crunchy moms who happen to love the Lord! Their pages are full of wisdom and information....I highly recommend them!

Its been almost three weeks since Alayna stopped nursing. She still asks many times every day and I always give her the same answer: "I love you so much. I'll give you hugs and cuddles and kisses. You are such a big girl and you don't need nursies any more." I wonder how long it will take until she stops asking. Sometimes it breaks my heart, but I know its for the best. Of course, Cade is fighting some sort of flu bug or something and has been nursing almost nonstop so my boobies haven't really felt much difference! (Also makes it hard for A to see C nursing so much too.....).

Bedtime battles are getting MUCH better! We're trying very hard to have a consistent bedtime routine and I'm happy to say the older kids (Gavin and Alayna are ususally both in bed by around 8 or 8:30 now (yay!).....so much better than the 10 to 11 pm deal we were having for so long! Cade is still a work in progress as far as sleep goes....of course, he's dealing with sickness at the moment and I know that always disrupts sleep.....some day it will all be better, I know!

One last thing, I'm reading another great book! This is another of the great Dr. William Sears books (written along with his wife Martha) called The Successful Child. I've written in the past how much I love Dr. Sears and I also really respect his advice. I've always subscribed to the attachment parenting philosophy, but its so easy to get frustrated, beaten down, doubting myself and wondering if I'm ruining my children by not being more firm, more consumed with punishments and "teaching my kids a lesson". I'm learning that my relationship with my children *does* matter in the long run and its not just about immediate results....my investment in them will reap dividends later on as they turn into well adjusted adults. If you want to be encouraged in the direction of attachment parenting and get some great practical ideas for the day-to-day issues that come up as mothers, I highly recommend this book!

Bedtime Frustrations

I'm reading Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and realizing that I have three kids that have some very bad sleep habits and are quite sleep deprived. The following is a quote from the book with my own commentary in parenthesis:

Your child may not seem tired, because overtired children don't always act tired--at least not in the ways parents expect....Do any of these apply to your child? tends to be whiny, fussy or clingy (YES!); sucks thumb, finger or pacifier at times other than bedtime (both Gavin and Alayna suck on their shirt sleeves); is hyperactive especially at times when you think he should be tired (Cade and Gavin - yes!); is overly stubborn (Oh my, YES for Alayna!); has regular temper tantrums or easily becomes upset or angry (YUP!); has difficulty falling asleep when put to bed (that is the biggest understatement thus far); falls asleep frequently when in the car, bus or train (happens often); falls asleep in front of the television (happens occasionally); sometimes falls asleep on the sofa or floor before bedtime (I have pictures to prove this is true); takes a long time to become awake and alert in the morning (YES!); does not appear to be well rested and full of energy (YES!); doesn't seem as happy as she should be (Oh my, YES!).

So, we've got some work to do. I feel guilty that I haven't been consistent enough with bedtime, which is supposed to be 8:30, but varies depending on if I'm home or working and how cooperative they are at obeying the directions to go to sleep. I'm realizing I need to have a very consistent bedtime routine and I attempted to create one tonight. My plan was to put them all in the bathtub around 7 pm. I thought between 7:30 and 8 could be "get into jammies" time and wind down, dim the lights. Then around 8:00 we'd have a last chance to go potty, brush teeth and read a story with the final lights out at 8:30. It didn't go as planned. Bathtime took much longer than expected. After getting Alayna into jammies and turning my attention to Cade, Alayna took all her clothes off and put on her bathing suit. Of course, when I realized this I reacted in a total Christ-like manner (right!), yanked off her bathing suit and forcefully reclothed her. As they were climbing into bed (right before the story) Alayna scratched Gavin's foot with a sharp toenail. So, off to the bathroom we went to find a bandaid and clip toenails. Finally, we got back into bed and I started reading the story again. Gavin and Alayna were doing great paying attention to the story. Cade, on the other hand, was rambunxious and kept head-butting Alayna. Seems silly to get angry at a 17-month-old for such behavior, but I was furious! I scooped Cade up and it took every ounce of willpower to not hurt him. I took him to his daddy in the living room and stomped back to the kids bedroom. Cade, upset that I transplanted him so abruptly, wailed. Somehow, I got through the rest of the story and the kids promised to stay in bed (something that rarely happens....usually they come out of their beds several times and I resort to yelling and threats.....not a good night for anyone). Miraculously, by 9:30 two of the three were in bed and staying there. Cade was still wailing in daddy's arms. I went back into the living room and nursed him, which calmed him considerably, but even now, at nearly 10 pm, he's wide awake. Its going to take more reading from Ms. Pantley to figure out how to get Cade going to bed at a reasonable hour.

I know I'm not alone dealing with the bedtime battles and lack of sleep and I know it will all get better at some point. I'm just hoping (with a little help) it will be sooner rather than later. With too little sleep I am not the calm, happy mama I want to be for my kids.

Listen to Your Mama Instincts

As mamas, we've all had times when we "had a gut feeling" about something and we either listened to our mama instincts or we explained it away as an irrational thought. Maybe our hearts were telling us one thing and our popular culture was telling us differently. How many times have you heard someone say, "I was up 4 times with the baby last night and I finally just brought him to bed with me. I know, I know, its horrible. I'm creating such a bad habit." I always want to say, "Why is that horrible? And who says its a bad habit?" Usually the answer is something like "my doctor said my baby should be sleeping through the night in his own bed by now..." but we need to remember that doctors don't study sleep habits in medical school. They're a great help when my baby has a fever or to figure out what that strange rash is, but there are a few things I've learned not to talk to doctors about and sleeping habits and breastfeeding issues are two things I don't even discuss with them.

I'm not trying to say everyone should cosleep; it works wonderfully for some families and for others, its not such a great solution. I just want you to not feel guilty for making choices about your mothering that may go against the grain of what popular culture is telling you what you "should" be doing. I believe God gives us those "mama's intuition" moments to nudge us in the direction we should go. Sure, there is a time for "tough love" and allowing our children to make their own mistakes even though it eats us up inside, but all too often we push aside that small voice and give our power over to "the experts."

Links of the Day:
I wanted to include a few links I found today that I really like.
Ask Dr. Sears - I really respect Dr. Sears' perspective on things. He is a great resource for lots of issues that arise in our mothering and he is supportive of a more natural way of parenting.
Giving Birth Naturally - So have I peaked your interest with all the natural childbirth stuff? If so, you'll want to check out this site. Lots of information about natural childbirth classes, birth plans, how to pick a provider and much, much more!
1 in 3 Post by Bellies and Babies - I found this blog post and thought it was very well written about why we should be concerned that one out of every three babies is born by cesarean section.