Now that you know the story of my firstborn, you can understand why was quite apprehensive to have another child. I always thought that I'd want my first two children two years apart, but as Gavin approached the age of 2, I knew I wasn't ready. I just needed some more time, though, because shortly after Gavin turned 3, Chad and I were ready to add the next member of our family. The big question for me this time was "Am I even going to try a vaginal birth or should I just have a repeat c-section?" I wouldn't even allow myself to consider a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean...pronounced V-back) until I had a doctor's appointment and got a green light. With all of the complications and additional surgeries after my cesarean, I wasn't even sure if I would be a good candidate. A friend recommended an OB who was known to be supportive of VBAC and I made an appointment and told him my story (the cliff notes version, lol!). I then asked him what he thought and he said,
"well, I'll definitely need to see your medical records and surgery notes to make sure there aren't any surprises, but from what you've told me I don't see any reason why you couldn't have a trial of labor....BUT....you should only go that route if you *really* want to have that vaginal birth experience. I used to do VBACs all the time in the '90s, but times have changed and its become a lot more controversial....not because of safety concerns, its because of legal issues....really its complicated but you just need to know that not as many doctors allow VBACs any more so unless you *really* want it, I'd advise having a repeat c-section...of course (he chuckles)
having a scheduled c-section would be much easier on me so of course that's what I'd recommend. You just think about it and we can talk about it next time." Looking back, I am so thankful for the honesty and integrity of this man. I have heard of so many women who have been lied to and told they couldn't or shouldn't VBAC for a number of reasons, many of which have turned out to be bogus. I personally know women who were told that their pelvis was just too small for that 9 lb 8 oz baby and then they go on to VBAC a 10+ lb baby. If you are not considering VBAC because you have been told this, please do some research and find out how baby's position actually has much more to do with how easily he comes out than does size.
I went home from that appointment with mixed feelings. On one hand, it would have made my decision-making much easier if he had told me it would be too dangerous for me to VBAC, with my previous scar issues and all. I remember how he pointed out that "that was your skin....not your uterus" when I expressed the concern that if I'd already ruptured once, doesn't that make me high risk for rupturing again. Scheduling a cesarean would make planning my mom's visit from Michigan much easier. Chad was definitely in favor of me having surgery "just because we know what to expect." However, there was this little part of me that knew if I didn't try.....if I didn't at least try a vaginal birth, I'd never know what it was like. Would I wonder if I could have had a positive experience and a quicker recovery? Later down the road, would I regret it if I don't at least give it a shot? So, after lots of thinking and praying and through tears, I decided I would try this VBAC thing.
My biggest fear was actually not uterine rupture (the major fear doctors have). My biggest fear for this birth was that of disappointment. Would I get all hyped up for a VBAC only to fail and end up with a repeat c-section? I decided that I was going to read everything I could get my hands on and do everything possible to avoid a c-section. I quickly learned that because of the fear of litigation, doctors will call a c-section much sooner on a VBAC mom than they might otherwise for a non-scarred mom. I was going to have to have a "textbook labor" (with not even a hint of complication) if I was going to be successful at avoiding the cesarean.
I went to my next OB appt. feeling great now that the weight of decision-making had been lifted. I informed him that I had made a decision (he smiled as he anticipated what he thought would be my decision to have RCS) and that I'd like to try the VBAC. As soon as the word left my lips, his smile vanished and he let out a sigh. I wondered where my VBAC-supportive doctor went, but he recovered, smiled again (although it was a much more forced smile) and said "Ok, no problem. We will just make sure we induce you early and.... (I interrupted him). "Um, why would I be induced?" "Well, we'll need to make sure I'm on call when you go into labor. If you go into labor during the week, I'll be there to deliver your baby. But if you go into labor on a weekend, I share call with 5 other doctors, so I'm only on call every 6th weekend. Some of the doctors would probably let you deliver vaginally if you presented in labor, but other doctors aren't so supportive of VBAC and might force you to have a cesarean." I was completely caught off guard. Not wanting to be disrespectful, I just told him I'd have to "think about it." I went home, did more research on the risks of being induced and went back to my next appointment with reasons why I wasn't so keen on being induced. "Doesn't it increase my risk of a uterine rupture?" I asked. "Well, technically yes," he said, "but it doesn't increase it
that much...we're talking less than a percent difference". Side note: I just
love how doctors pick and choose which risks to downplay and which risks to scare the living *** out of their patients.....sorry, had to go off about that a little bit.
So, since Dr. S pretty much gave me an ultimatum (be induced or else...) I decided that at 20 weeks (halfway through my pregnancy) I needed to find a new provider. Like I've already said, I do respect Dr. S for his integrity and I'm sure he's a great surgeon, but he wasn't the right provider for me if I wanted the best chance at a successful VBAC. My friend (who was feeling horrible by this time that she'd recommended someone who wasn't quite as VBAC friendly as we first thought) found a new doctor for me to try. Dr. K was known to be supportive not only of VBAC, but natural childbirth as well.
So that brings me to my introduction to natural childbirth. I always giggle when someone uses the term "natural childbirth" when they really mean "vaginal childbirth". Different people have different opinions of what actually constitutes a "natural childbirth" but for my definition, I'm going to define it as an approach to childbirth which believes that your body knows how to give birth and if mother and baby are healthy, it is wise to let labor start on its own (no induction of labor), continue on its own (no augmentation) and generally requires little medical intervention. We who believe this are thankful for the life-saving technology that exists, but don't think the majority of healthy women really need it. Also, most women opt to not take pain medication as it has been known to slow down labor and in many cases leads to other interventions that wouldn't be necessary if the pain medication had not been given.
I need to add at this point that my reasons for deciding to go drug-free with Alayna were vastly different than they were with Cade. With Alayna (being my first VBAC) my only reason was to assure a successful VBAC. I know an epidural doesn't slow every labor down, but I would have been so disappointed with myself if it affected mine and I could have prevented a c-section. Once I had my first VBAC (and I survived it!) I realized all of the added benefits. Alayna was so alert....I'd never seen anything like it. I know this will sound unbelievable, but she practically crawled (scooted really) from my belly (where they placed her right after birth) up to my breasts, looking to nurse. She looked like a baby bird with her mouth open looking to latch. It was a 180 degree difference from all the suckling problems I had with Gavin. I also couldn't believe how incredibly good I felt immediately after birth....not the drugged haze I was in after my c-section. Granted, the amount of drugs given for a c-section is huge compared to what is given for a vaginal birth in an epidural, but for me, not feeling drugged was worth it. And then there's that rush of endorphines that flooded my body at the moment of birth that filled me with love and tears of joy....the best feeling I've ever had.....I'm so glad my body was fully alert to experience that. You can read all the details of
Alayna's birth in my family blog.
Almost two years after Alayna's birth, I had my third child, another boy whom we named Cade, my second natural VBAC. The only difference this time was that I'd decided that midwives are much better than doctors at attending a natural delivery (doctors are great when there are problems, but midwives are the experts at natural childbirth!) and so I signed on with a practice of midwives instead of finding an OB.
Cade's birth was a bit more traumatic (you can read the details by clicking on the link) and I had a rougher post-partum period, but I had an awesome labor.....one that I'll remember and cherish always.
